**JOKE*** 'ard roads

[Muad_dib77]

Cause it's friday - and I'm really busy, but too chuffed with it being friday to care just now.. I thought I'd post a joke here..

Cracked me up!





Two roads in a pub bragging about how hard they were..

The M1 says “I’m dead hard me, the oldest motorway of ‘em all”.

The M25, not to be outdone, says “I’m the toughest of all, and handle more cars than any other motorway”.

Just then, a tiny little red lane walks in, and the M25 runs off and hides in the toilet for 15 minutes, until the lane has left.

The M1 is amused, and says “I thought you were toughest?”

The M25 replies “Well, yeah..but that ones a total cycle-path!”

[baldtyres]

The Irish Times
9 October 2006
- A seven-year-old boy was at the centre of a courtroom drama yesterday
when he challenged a court ruling over whom should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law
and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree
possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt
beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with
her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents,
the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the
remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence
was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the
unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have
custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer
with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the
Republic of Ireland soccer team, whom the boy firmly believes are not
capable of beating anyone.

[Muad_dib77]

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?

HUSBAND: Definitely not!

WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?

HUSBAND: Of course I do.

WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?

HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.

WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: Would you live in our house?

HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.

WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?

HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?

WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?

HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new

WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?

HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.

WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?

HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.

WIFE: - - silence - -

HUSBAND: F**k

[richardc9052]

Hilarious




thread locked, please don't unnecessarily resurrect ancient topics. colm_mcm